Muppet Box
by Jonathan Cartoons Inc
Summary: Ernie and Bert play with a box.


In this episode, Bert and Ernie play with the box.  
**Characters:  
**Bert  
Ernie  
Terrence Allen Buddington  
Darius Whitehead (Me)  
Simon Soundman (heard only)  
Jon Arbuckle (heard only)  
Garfield (heard only)  
RoboSoft 3 (heard only)  
Professor Grover  
Yoshi  
Birdo/Cathy  
John Cena as the Boxing Championship Announcer  
Johnny Cash  
Brutus Thornapple  
Other Boxing Crowd Members (like Muppets)  
Racecars (mentioned)  
Racers (heard only)  
NASCAR Announcer (heard only)  
Bernice the Pigeon

**NOTE:** This is a parody of the SpongeBob SquarePants episode called Idiot Box which aired on March 1, 2002, and is in the third season of that show. No copyright infringement intended. This was originally on April 18th, 2016.

**Bert:** See anything yet, Ernie?  
**Ernie:** I need my glasses._[puts two glasses of water on his eyes like binoculars, which are real human eyes.]_ Hmmm..._{a mail truck approaches}_...it's the mail truck!

**Bert & Ernie:** Our package!_{Ernie throws the glasses and then they both start dancing and hopping.}_

**Darius:** I didn't know it was Happy Hopping Muppet Day.

**Terrence:** Bert and Ernie?

**Bert:** That's us!_[Terrence throws a big box next to him and Ernie]_

**Darius:** That's a BIG box!

**Bert:** Thank you!_[still dancing and hopping]_

**Ernie:** Hey, Bert? When do we stop hopping?

**Bert:** 30 more seconds, Ernie._{rubs hands together}_

**Darius:** They probably ordered a lifetime supply of Yoshi plushies._{laughs as Bert and Ernie lift up a big-screen TV out of the box}_ Huh? A brand new television?

**Bert:** Easy...easy..._{both him and Ernie throw the TV onto the trash can}_

**Bert and Ernie:** YAHOO!_{they jump in the box and close the flaps}_

**Darius:** Just when I thought they couldn't get any happier._[walks up to the box with Bert and Ernie inside]_ Let me get this straight, you two Muppets ordered a giant screen television just so you can play in the box?

**Bert:** Pretty smart, huh?

**Ernie:** I thought it wouldn't work.

**Darius:** Uh-huh, that's quite a plan there. Oh, but wait. There's something else I wanted to ask you two. Now what was it? Oh, yeah, yeah._{yells in Bert and Ernie's brains}_ DON'T YOU TWO HAVE ANY BRAINS?!

**Bert:** Darius, we don't need a television. Not as long as we have our...imagination!_{as Bert makes a rainbow over his hands}_

**Darius:** Wow, I never thought of it this way! That's really something! Can I have your TV?

**Bert:** With...imagination, I can be anything I want! A racer! Vrrrm! A pigeon! Coo coo!

**Ernie:** A Muppet!

**Darius:** Ernie, you're already a Muppet.

**Ernie:** See, Darius? It works! You try!

**Darius:** Okay, let's see. I imagine myself watching TV...and there it is!_{as he points to the one on the trash can}_

**Bert:** Sure, Darius.

**Darius:** Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy!_{Darius runs to the TV and pushes it to his house}_

**Bert:** Okay, Darius, but if you change your mind, we'll be in this box!

**Ernie:** Let's play Mountain Climbing Adventure!_{Bert and Ernie pull the flaps of the box over on them}_

**Bert:** Gloves!

**Ernie:** Check!

**Bert:** Hats!

**Ernie:** Check!

**Bert:** Oatmeal?

**Ernie:** Uh...check!

**Bert:** Okay, Ernie! Climb up there and secure this rope!

**Ernie:** You got it, Bert!_[climbing noises come from the box]_

**Bert:** Ernie! Ernie! Ernie, you're going too high!

**Darius:** I hope they put some air holes in that box._{goes inside his house}_

**Bert:** Take it easy, Ernie! You've got to acclimate!

**Ernie:** I'll take it easy when I fly. I'm shaking hands with Batman! Whoo! To the Batmobile!

**Darius:** Now where's that remote?_{walks up to the remote, which is right next to the box. He picks it up, puts it in his pants pocket, and stands next to the box, listening to Bert and Ernie}_

**Ernie:** I am the Derpy Kid! Whoo!

**Bert:** Ernie! Ernie! I think we should keep our voices down! We might start an avalanche!

**Ernie:** What'd you say, Bert?

**Bert:** I said, I think we should keep our voices down, in case of avalanches!

**Ernie:** What should we keep down?

**Darius:** Muppets.

**Bert:** Our voices!

**Darius:** Will you two shut up?!_{kicks the box, causing the sound of an avalanche, making Bert and Ernie scream and fall, they both start to cry. Darius is shocked}_ Ernie?_{he softly touches the box, causing another avalanche}_

**Bert:** Hang in there, Ernie! The giraffe is on the way!

**Ernie:** Bert, my legs are frozen solid! You're gonna have to make them longer!_{Darius begins to sweat}_

**Bert:** I can't, Ernie! Because I already have no long arms!

**Ernie:** Noooo!

_{Darius quickly opens the box and looks in. Bert and Ernie sit inside the box.}_

**Darius:** AHA! Wha? How were you two making that noise?

**Bert:** {laughs} What noise, Darius?

**Ernie:** I could only hear the sound of our laughter.

**Darius:** Yeah, but the sound effects and the avalanche and the...the...

**Ernie:** Don't forget the second avalanche.

**Darius:** Forget it. {closes the box} I don't know why I'm wasting my time out here when I could be watching my brand new television!_{helicopter sounds are heard from the box, Darius looks around at the sky and ducks}_

**Simon Soundman:** Attention, climbers! Please hold on! The giraffes are on the way!

**Bert and Ernie:** Yay!

**Darius:** AHA!_{he opens the box and sees Bert and Ernie sitting inside the box again}_ How are you two doing that!?

**Bert:** First we establish a base camp at 15,000 feet...

**Darius:** The noises! How are you two making those noises?

**Ernie:** That's easy. All you need is a box.

**Bert:** ...and imagination!

**Darius:** Are you trying to say I have no imagination? I have more imagination...in one hand than you two have in your whole bodies.

**Ernie:** That's good! Now all you need is a box!_{they close the box}_

**Darius:**_{walks back to his house}_ I'll show them!_[looks in his closet]_ There's got to be one in here!_{finds a small, round, red box}  
_Ah, this hat box should do nicely!_{pulls out a Mario hat}_ Why haven't I worn this yet?_{throws it off-screen, gets in the box, but he's too big for it. He then frowns, looks at his watch, gets mad and kicks the box. Police sirens are heard.}_

**Policeman inside Bert and Ernie's box:** Attention! We have you surrounded! Come out with your hands up!

**Darius:** What do they want with me? What did I do?_{he gasps}_ Obviously, I've violated some new box kicking law!_{walks out of his house showing the green box}_ Look, officers! Everything is okay! I won't do it ever again!

**Garfield inside Box:** You'll never take my lasagna, coppers!

**Jon inside Box:** No, Garfield! Don't do it!_{police sirens are heard. Darius kicks the green box toward Bert and Ernie}_

**Ernie:**_{opens box and sirens stop}_ Whoopee! Another box!_{Ernie takes the hat box and closes the box they're sitting in and police sirens are heard again}_

**Darius:** I've got to try to relax! Perhaps I can drown out their childish games with a little TV._[turns on TV to see a show of boxes on a conveyor belt in a factory]_

**RoboSoft 3 narrator:** It is here that the boxes reach their final stage of assembly._{changes channel to Professor Grover talking about a box equation on a chalkboard}_

**Professor Grover:** This equation is established here by this box._{changes channel to a soap opera with Yoshi and Birdo}_

**Yoshi:** I couldn't afford you a present this year, Cathy, so I brought you this box.

**Birdo/Cathy:** That's what I got you, Yoshi!

**Darius:** Isn't there anything on that isn't about___**boxes?!**__ {changes channel to a boxing match on TV}_

**John Cena:** Welcome to Championship Boxing!

**Darius:** Heh-heh. I guess this is okay. I mean, it's not really about boxes._{two Muppets go at each other in the ring}_ I give up.__

**NASCAR Announcer inside Bert and Ernie's box:** Drivers...start...your...engines!_{a racecar taking off noises are heard inside the box}_

**Darius:** [fascinated] How are they doing that? That was the most surprising sound of a NASCAR racecar I ever heard! There must be an explanation. Think, Darius, think!_{he imagines Bert and Ernie playing a tape recorder with real racecar sound effects}_

**Bert:** Darius is such a jerk._{both laugh}_

**Darius:** Laugh at me, will they?! {opens box once again} Alright, where is it?

**Ernie:** {pops out of the red hat box} Here I am!

**Bert:** Where's what, Darius?

**Darius:** Don't "Where's what, Darius?" me! Where's the tape recorder?

**Bert:** We don't have a tape recorder, Darius!

**Darius:** Don't "We don't have a tape recorder, Darius!" me!

**Bert:** But we don't!

**Ernie:** We have a tape recorder box!

**Darius:**_{takes the small tape recorder box from Ernie and throws it off-screen}_ All right, make way, you two. I'm coming in._{gets into box}_

**Bert:** Welcome aboard, Darius! You've just set sail on the S.S Imagination...where our only destination is fantastic adventure! Where do you want to go first!

**Darius:** No, no. Don't mind me. I'm just here to observe.

**Bert:** Darius, don't you see? Waiting and watching? That's not what the box is all about! It's about...imagination!

**Darius:** All right! Fine! Take me to the NASCAR Sprint Cup! I wanna race down the track with racers on the cup! Just do it so I can get back and watch TV!

**Bert:** Okay, Darius! NASCAR Sprint Cup series it is!_[Bert and Ernie close their eyes and make racers and racecars sounds]_

**Ernie:**_[imitates racecar]_ Vrrrrm...

**Bert:**_[imitates racer]_ Three.

**Ernie:** Vroom vroom vroom.

**Bert:** Two...one...

**Ernie:** Vrrrrrm...

**Bert:** Drivers, start your engines on the green checkered flag!

_[Bert and Ernie start chuckling softly]_

**Darius:** Why won't this thing turn on?!_[slamming the bottom of the box with his fists]_ All right, fine. If you don't want to show me, I don't care. I've got better things to do than pace the floor wondering how you two work this thing._[Darius paces back and forth in his house]_ How do those two work that thing? There's got to be a secret button or a switch or something! I mean, listen to that!_[he hears racecars/racers, zooming noises from box]_ Now, that sounds like the NASCAR Sprint Cup Series! Think, Darius, think! I got it! When those two go to bed, I'll sneak and there and find that button! I'll wait all night if I have to!_{he sits in his chair until nighttime} _

**Ernie: **_[firework and cheering sounds are heard coming from the box. Bert and Ernie come out of the box and Bert yawns]_ I need sleep to refuel my imagination tanks!

**Bert:**_{Darius looks out his window}_ I still can't believe these racers drove all their racecars to the finish line.

**Ernie:** Yeah, goodnight, Bert.

**Bert:** Goodnight, Ernie.

_[Darius sneaks out of his house. He tiptoes over to the box and gets inside]_

**Darius:**_[He chuckles mischievously and then sees a piece of paper on the side of the box]_ Hello, what's this?_[reads]_ "This plaque to commemorate the racers who drove so fast to keep this box safe from the racecars. Lest we forget...ohh!_{tears paper into pieces with anger}_I've got to find that button quick! It's got to be around here somewhere. I don't see anything! It's just an empty box! Maybe it really was their imagination. Oh, get it together, Darius! What are you saying? I mean, do I really believe that if I sit here and pretend to drive a race car that I'm suddenly gonna start hearing noises?_{starts driving it and the sound of an engine revving is heard}_ Wha...?_{he turns the imaginary key}_It actually works! Ha-ha! Oh boy! This beats TV by a long shot!_[laughs]_ Whooo-hoo-hoo! This is the most fun I've ever had!_{the noises actually come from a garbage truck, which lifts the box into the other garbage}_

**Bert:**_{Darius cheering into the distance}_ Listen to that, Bernice. Darius finally made the box work after all. That's so great.

**Darius:**_{the garbage truck begins to drive away with the box that he's in}_ Vroom! Vroom! Only two more laps before the finish line!_{the garbage truck dumps out the trash, including the box}_ I'm in the lead! Out of my way! I'm almost there!_{laughs as the box slides down a trash pile)_ Whoo-hoo-hoo! Victory is mine!_[the box hits something, sending Darius tumbling down, face first onto a cherry pie. He groans and the box falls on him. The next morning, Bert and Ernie walk outside]_

**Bert:** Hey! Our box is gone!

**Ernie:** Oh well.

**Bert:** I know! Let's go see Darius!

**Ernie:** I hope he's not too down in the dumps today._[he and Bert walk to Darius' house and a timpani noise is heard in the background as the screen fades to black]_

**END**

Bert, Ernie, Grover, Bernice, and Simon Soundman are owned by Sesame Workshop.

Yoshi and Birdo/Cathy are owned by Nintendo.

Jon Arbuckle and Garfield owned by Jim Davis.

The rest belong to their respective owners.


End file.
